2018.05.12
I literally had the hardest hike that day. My family and I went to Laguna over the weekend to check up on things. We had planned to visit only, but it appears that people went deeper into the mountains. We contemplated on whether we should go or not, since it was already the afternoon, which means the sun will be at its peak.
I don't remember the last time I went there, maybe like, 10 years ago already? My uncle told us that there was another way, and that it would only take us 30 minutes. We trusted him since he lived there, and we got really excited over this. I haven't seen that place in a very long time.
IT WAS THE LONGEST 30 MINUTES OF MY LIFE (sarcasm included, of course). It took us 3 hours before we got to that place. My shoes got broken and it was scorching hot. Worst. Day. Ever. We had thought that we were near. Why? We heard music from afar. That wasn't the case.
I walked barefoot. The rocks were melting my feet and my pores were crying more than ever. But, that didn't stop me. Rather, I couldn't stop. It was in the middle of nowhere. I had to keep going.
I think it's the same with life. There are a lot of times where we feel we can't go forward and we're so tired. But look around! We've gone a long way with life. We've gone so far and we're here! If we stop and stay at our current place, there would be nothing there. There would always be a finish line. We can rest, but we can't quit. A prize awaits us when we finish the journey - in my case, new footwear and rest. Never have I imagined I would love my slippers so much. I always took them for granted, but now I don't. I cherish them a lot more now! As they say, you only know the value of things once they're gone. I study to appreciate things more, including myself. Of course there are dark days where I can't and I suddenly feel lost, but during those times do I figure out the most precious things in life - those that are really invaluable.
I want to keep going... no matter what. The things I'm about to do, those I plan to accomplish - big and small, they won't be easy, but I will keep going. Because I believe, one day, I can look back with a smile and say it's worth it. I hope you can too.
Have a nice day ☺️
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Showing posts with label #MentalHealth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #MentalHealth. Show all posts
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Sunday, April 8, 2018
A Letter to YOU
Dear Beloved,
Hello. How are you doing today?
Did you have a good night's sleep? Please take a few more moments to close your eyes if you need more rest. Don't skip your meals and stay hydrated. We're so far away from each other so this is the only way I can take care of you.
Are you heading out to work? or.. how's school? Do you have any recent projects? Did you finally find something you want to do? I know you have a lot going on right now. Please know that I support you. You've been dreaming a lot ever since you can. I know you have the power to achieve them. I know you can do it. I believe in you.
Right now, I know it feels so hard to breathe. You might even be asking, "God, why me?". I'm so sorry you have to struggle alone. I'm so sorry you feel so discouraged. I'm so sorry that everything might seem to be against you. You're not alone. I'm your friend, remember? I'm always here, cheering you on. Even though we live in different places, having meals at different times, following our dreams on different paths, please never forget me. I will always be your friend. I pray that today you're not hurting anywhere.
It's okay to be not okay, remember? You can cry - it doesn't mean you're weak. You can stop everything and breathe. But, don't stay down. Remember me, and remember that I'm here giving you a push so you don't stay down. I know it's hard. It's okay. I'm here.
Every time before I go to sleep, I think of you. Did you eat? Did you have a good day? Are you crying right now? I hope not. If you are, don't forget that I am your friend and that I care for you. I know you're in a bad spot and that it looks like it'll be the end. Please close your eyes. Breathe. I pray that you feel better soon so we could hang out.
Why aren't you replying? I worry about you. Don't think that your struggles are unimportant. Give me a call and I'll run over to you as fast as I can. We're friends after all, right? You'll be alright one day. Maybe not today, but I hope that in the future, you can look back with a smile on your face and say you're glad it worked out in the end.
You're not sensitive, you are not stupid, and definitely not naive. It's not your fault. Hard to believe, yes? Trust me - this is the truth. I don't know what you're up to these days, but please keep on holding on. It's not just me. There are a lot of people who love you and support you. We're always here for you. Don't disappear on me one day. I will miss you a lot if that happens.
I know that sometimes you may think that no one cares. Be patient with yourself. God loves you and so do I. Don't be so hard on yourself. Despite everything, you're still here - breathing and alive. Thank you for keeping your life. Remember your dreams. Back when you were still a kid. Chase your dreams. I'll give you all of my support, whether it be becoming a rock star or a scientist. Don't let others define those dreams for you. You define it for yourself.
Remember when I told you that you have the most wonderful eyes? It still remains true to this day. Your eyes show the most life. It shows me how you want to keep on going. Thank you for being strong always. You are awesome. I don't want to lose you because of that. It's going to be okay. We all love you. People always grow. It's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to be sad. Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, don't give up on yourself. It'll get better, I promise.
It's okay to pause and breathe. Do the things you want. Society will say anything anyway. Know that I won't. I will support you - no matter where I am. Also, be kind to your body. I know might take time, but please, take care of yourself. Be good to yourself, okay? There is something good every day, are you still writing that down in your diary? Look for one positive thought. I, for one, am your friend. Know that I love you and I care for you. Don't blame yourself for being sad. We're all humans, after all. There are days where we shine as bright as the sun and there are days we just want to go the dark and never go out. We all fail. but, it doesn't mean we are worthless, right? You and I are good enough - there are people who know that. You don't have to be happy all the time. Life isn't supposed to be a joy ride every single time. It's okay to feel nervous and anxious. All of these bad moments, let them be a part of a page in your story - don't let it be an entire book, okay?
Dear, healing doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. For some, it might take months. For you, it might take weeks or even years. It doesn't matter. What matters is you're here - and that you are healing. Also, when every day is a battle, it's okay to lose some days and retreat. Please hold on. You are incredible. I know you can succeed. Thank you for always being so strong that sometimes the world does not even see. I'm proud of you and I love you.
Time flies by so fast, right? I hope you feel encouraged, even for a little with my letter. I hope that we can see each other soon. Let's laugh and cry and do crazy stuff like we used to. Let's be happy and sad. I will be here for you. Stay strong. Breathe. Keep on living. Remember, I am your friend.
I'll be writing to you again soon. Stay healthy and well!
I love you,
DANA
(P.S. If you need me, I'm one chat away on Twitter, Instagram, and Faceboook)
Hello. How are you doing today?
Did you have a good night's sleep? Please take a few more moments to close your eyes if you need more rest. Don't skip your meals and stay hydrated. We're so far away from each other so this is the only way I can take care of you.
Are you heading out to work? or.. how's school? Do you have any recent projects? Did you finally find something you want to do? I know you have a lot going on right now. Please know that I support you. You've been dreaming a lot ever since you can. I know you have the power to achieve them. I know you can do it. I believe in you.
Right now, I know it feels so hard to breathe. You might even be asking, "God, why me?". I'm so sorry you have to struggle alone. I'm so sorry you feel so discouraged. I'm so sorry that everything might seem to be against you. You're not alone. I'm your friend, remember? I'm always here, cheering you on. Even though we live in different places, having meals at different times, following our dreams on different paths, please never forget me. I will always be your friend. I pray that today you're not hurting anywhere.
It's okay to be not okay, remember? You can cry - it doesn't mean you're weak. You can stop everything and breathe. But, don't stay down. Remember me, and remember that I'm here giving you a push so you don't stay down. I know it's hard. It's okay. I'm here.
Every time before I go to sleep, I think of you. Did you eat? Did you have a good day? Are you crying right now? I hope not. If you are, don't forget that I am your friend and that I care for you. I know you're in a bad spot and that it looks like it'll be the end. Please close your eyes. Breathe. I pray that you feel better soon so we could hang out.
Why aren't you replying? I worry about you. Don't think that your struggles are unimportant. Give me a call and I'll run over to you as fast as I can. We're friends after all, right? You'll be alright one day. Maybe not today, but I hope that in the future, you can look back with a smile on your face and say you're glad it worked out in the end.
You're not sensitive, you are not stupid, and definitely not naive. It's not your fault. Hard to believe, yes? Trust me - this is the truth. I don't know what you're up to these days, but please keep on holding on. It's not just me. There are a lot of people who love you and support you. We're always here for you. Don't disappear on me one day. I will miss you a lot if that happens.
I know that sometimes you may think that no one cares. Be patient with yourself. God loves you and so do I. Don't be so hard on yourself. Despite everything, you're still here - breathing and alive. Thank you for keeping your life. Remember your dreams. Back when you were still a kid. Chase your dreams. I'll give you all of my support, whether it be becoming a rock star or a scientist. Don't let others define those dreams for you. You define it for yourself.
Remember when I told you that you have the most wonderful eyes? It still remains true to this day. Your eyes show the most life. It shows me how you want to keep on going. Thank you for being strong always. You are awesome. I don't want to lose you because of that. It's going to be okay. We all love you. People always grow. It's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to be sad. Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, don't give up on yourself. It'll get better, I promise.
It's okay to pause and breathe. Do the things you want. Society will say anything anyway. Know that I won't. I will support you - no matter where I am. Also, be kind to your body. I know might take time, but please, take care of yourself. Be good to yourself, okay? There is something good every day, are you still writing that down in your diary? Look for one positive thought. I, for one, am your friend. Know that I love you and I care for you. Don't blame yourself for being sad. We're all humans, after all. There are days where we shine as bright as the sun and there are days we just want to go the dark and never go out. We all fail. but, it doesn't mean we are worthless, right? You and I are good enough - there are people who know that. You don't have to be happy all the time. Life isn't supposed to be a joy ride every single time. It's okay to feel nervous and anxious. All of these bad moments, let them be a part of a page in your story - don't let it be an entire book, okay?
Dear, healing doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. For some, it might take months. For you, it might take weeks or even years. It doesn't matter. What matters is you're here - and that you are healing. Also, when every day is a battle, it's okay to lose some days and retreat. Please hold on. You are incredible. I know you can succeed. Thank you for always being so strong that sometimes the world does not even see. I'm proud of you and I love you.
Time flies by so fast, right? I hope you feel encouraged, even for a little with my letter. I hope that we can see each other soon. Let's laugh and cry and do crazy stuff like we used to. Let's be happy and sad. I will be here for you. Stay strong. Breathe. Keep on living. Remember, I am your friend.
I'll be writing to you again soon. Stay healthy and well!
I love you,
DANA
(P.S. If you need me, I'm one chat away on Twitter, Instagram, and Faceboook)
Friday, April 6, 2018
HOPE for YOU
If you know anyone suffering from Depression and/or other Mental Health disabilities, PLEASE, direct them to Natasha Goulbourn Foundation.
To those who are in emotional crisis and in need of immediate assistance, please contact
Depression is real. It's not just an emo phase or a mood swing. Stop telling people to get over it, or that it'll just go away. Be one of the reasons they stay. Don't shrug it off.
According to the World Health Organization, it is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease. Globally, there are more than 300 million people of all ages that suffer from depression, that, if not treated, could even lead to suicide – the second leading cause of death among 15 to 29 years old around the world in 2015.
Please, just please. Listen to them. If they show any signs, please offer them support. Show them love. Give them a hug. Tell them it's not their fault. That they are worth it. That it's going to be okay.
Hello.
If you need someone to talk to, I will be your friend. Reach me at Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
We'll get through this. TOGETHER. I pray that you are not hurting.
Stay strong,
DANA
To those who are in emotional crisis and in need of immediate assistance, please contact
the 24/7 HOPELINE at:
(02) 804-HOPE (4673)
0917 558 HOPE (4673)
2919 (toll-free number for all GLOBE and TM subscribers)
(Please note that these numbers are only available inside the Philippines. If you are in another location and are feeling suicidal, PLEASE, call any of the following numbers listed in this link.)0917 558 HOPE (4673)
2919 (toll-free number for all GLOBE and TM subscribers)
Depression is real. It's not just an emo phase or a mood swing. Stop telling people to get over it, or that it'll just go away. Be one of the reasons they stay. Don't shrug it off.
According to the World Health Organization, it is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease. Globally, there are more than 300 million people of all ages that suffer from depression, that, if not treated, could even lead to suicide – the second leading cause of death among 15 to 29 years old around the world in 2015.
Please, just please. Listen to them. If they show any signs, please offer them support. Show them love. Give them a hug. Tell them it's not their fault. That they are worth it. That it's going to be okay.
Hello.
If you need someone to talk to, I will be your friend. Reach me at Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
We'll get through this. TOGETHER. I pray that you are not hurting.
Stay strong,
DANA
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
A New Hope
It has been 20 days since my last post.
I am truly sorry. I needed time for myself. I'm still alive, okay?
I have a lot to say, and I don't think I can put them all in one post because you'd be bored to death with nothing but words.
These days, I haven't been able to rest unless I cry myself to sleep and then I wake up really tired and empty. I feel really sad. I also have a physical diary where I write everything and it calms me down to know that I'm getting better as the days go by. I still cry every night, though. But, I know I'll be fine.
Max Lucado
I had followed him in twitter for the longest time. He released a new book entitled: Anxious For Nothing
If you want to purchase this book, link is here.
I was feeling empty for the longest time, and I was worrying about every single day, with my prayer begging God for help, or maybe, the permission to restart my life. I want to go back to square one.
I wanted to read this book, maybe get a little amount of hope so I can continue living because everyday is a battle. It's not available physically where I am, so I can't order it. So, I posted on twitter how I wanted to read the book. I used the hashtags: #AnxiousForNothing and tagged @MaxLucado, hoping he would notice me. Apparently, someone else did.
I cried.
Why would someone notice this post of mine? I sent her an e-mail, not expecting anything anymore since we lived on opposite sides on earth. I was just so thankful that she had noticed my tears. We have been keeping in touch, and she encourages me a lot. She told me her story. As of now, I'm happily waiting for the book. It should arrive between February 19th to March 9th.
I'm happy as I was sending her a letter of thanks. It just proves that the world is small, yet big. Are you on the same page as me? I can't explain it. I hope I can live with a peace of mind. I've been reading the bible every night, and I want to know more about it. I want to understand it more. I know He has the answer to everything.
Pray for me, will you?
Hello.
My name is DANA.
My dream is to travel the world and bring happiness to everyone I meet. To everyone reading this, I pray you are not hurting. Hold on, please.
Let us be friends on Faceboook, Twitter, Instagram.
I am truly sorry. I needed time for myself. I'm still alive, okay?
I have a lot to say, and I don't think I can put them all in one post because you'd be bored to death with nothing but words.
These days, I haven't been able to rest unless I cry myself to sleep and then I wake up really tired and empty. I feel really sad. I also have a physical diary where I write everything and it calms me down to know that I'm getting better as the days go by. I still cry every night, though. But, I know I'll be fine.
Max Lucado
I had followed him in twitter for the longest time. He released a new book entitled: Anxious For Nothing
I was feeling empty for the longest time, and I was worrying about every single day, with my prayer begging God for help, or maybe, the permission to restart my life. I want to go back to square one.
I wanted to read this book, maybe get a little amount of hope so I can continue living because everyday is a battle. It's not available physically where I am, so I can't order it. So, I posted on twitter how I wanted to read the book. I used the hashtags: #AnxiousForNothing and tagged @MaxLucado, hoping he would notice me. Apparently, someone else did.
Why would someone notice this post of mine? I sent her an e-mail, not expecting anything anymore since we lived on opposite sides on earth. I was just so thankful that she had noticed my tears. We have been keeping in touch, and she encourages me a lot. She told me her story. As of now, I'm happily waiting for the book. It should arrive between February 19th to March 9th.
I'm happy as I was sending her a letter of thanks. It just proves that the world is small, yet big. Are you on the same page as me? I can't explain it. I hope I can live with a peace of mind. I've been reading the bible every night, and I want to know more about it. I want to understand it more. I know He has the answer to everything.
Pray for me, will you?
Hello.
My name is DANA.
My dream is to travel the world and bring happiness to everyone I meet. To everyone reading this, I pray you are not hurting. Hold on, please.
Let us be friends on Faceboook, Twitter, Instagram.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
My Hopes For Today
Day 3 of 365
Breathing is so hard these days. But, it can't be that way forever. I texted one of the people who gave me a book last year. He replied saying he couldn't remember me so I need to give out clues. I did and he replied, "Ah, now I remember. I had a word for you. The pretty girl!!" I smiled. I was happy. It was for a brief moment, I became happy, though he had forgotten for a moment. At least he remembered eventually, right?
You want to know what his words to me were? We were talking about nations and missions then he gave me a book about THE NINE GIFTS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT Volume 1 & 2. It was from Derek Prince. If you guys want to check about this more, just visit their website:
Derek Prince Ministries
I was happy I had a connection to him. I felt like this was also a puzzle piece. He gave me the book, and before I completely left, he called out to me and said he got an impression from God saying I will be travelling all over the world to encourage other people. Please also note that I have not said anything about myself being a missionary or my dreams of travelling. Guess what? I cried. In broad daylight, as people left the building. I was at the entrance. He prayed for me. He prayed and asked God to give me the gift of healing. THIS WAS SOMETHING I ALWAYS PRAYED FOR! I was happy. I was really, really happy.
Then I went out to do some other errands. I guess today wasn't that bad. It might end with a happy ending after all. I got home and started to listen to music as I feel empty. Then I cried. At least I only cried once today. #AchievementUnlocked. I hope that there will come days where I don't cry at all. The reason I cried? I remember memories that hurt me because of ONE OK ROCK's Heartache. Lines were piercing me through such as: "Yeah, I wish that I could do it again." "Turning back the time." It hurts. Then, I felt empty as tears run dry. I hope that someday, I can look back on my past as a happy memory. I hope that when I travel the world someday, I can encourage other people through my stories. I pray that someday, people do not hurt and smile. I pray that someday, everything will be okay.
I am okay right now. And I will change the title of this post. It was originally "Crippling Anxiety", but when I thought back, not everything that happened today rendered me hopeless. There were things I have done, there were thoughts I pondered upon. There were plans I created to become better.
To anyone who has read this, I pray that you are not hurting or crying. I don't know your circumstances but I will be friend.
Please live and smile,
DANA
D/N:
Hello, friends. You can call me Dana. I hope that you are not hurting today. If you are, I pray for your safety. You've done well to endure this far. Please keep living. Have a cup of coffee with me, I will be your friend.
Let's be friends online!
Google+ [https://plus.google.com/+DanaMestiola]
Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/apz_dana/]
Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/ApaulleDanielle/]
Twitter [https://twitter.com/Apz_Dana]
Breathing is so hard these days. But, it can't be that way forever. I texted one of the people who gave me a book last year. He replied saying he couldn't remember me so I need to give out clues. I did and he replied, "Ah, now I remember. I had a word for you. The pretty girl!!" I smiled. I was happy. It was for a brief moment, I became happy, though he had forgotten for a moment. At least he remembered eventually, right?
You want to know what his words to me were? We were talking about nations and missions then he gave me a book about THE NINE GIFTS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT Volume 1 & 2. It was from Derek Prince. If you guys want to check about this more, just visit their website:
Derek Prince Ministries
I was happy I had a connection to him. I felt like this was also a puzzle piece. He gave me the book, and before I completely left, he called out to me and said he got an impression from God saying I will be travelling all over the world to encourage other people. Please also note that I have not said anything about myself being a missionary or my dreams of travelling. Guess what? I cried. In broad daylight, as people left the building. I was at the entrance. He prayed for me. He prayed and asked God to give me the gift of healing. THIS WAS SOMETHING I ALWAYS PRAYED FOR! I was happy. I was really, really happy.
Then I went out to do some other errands. I guess today wasn't that bad. It might end with a happy ending after all. I got home and started to listen to music as I feel empty. Then I cried. At least I only cried once today. #AchievementUnlocked. I hope that there will come days where I don't cry at all. The reason I cried? I remember memories that hurt me because of ONE OK ROCK's Heartache. Lines were piercing me through such as: "Yeah, I wish that I could do it again." "Turning back the time." It hurts. Then, I felt empty as tears run dry. I hope that someday, I can look back on my past as a happy memory. I hope that when I travel the world someday, I can encourage other people through my stories. I pray that someday, people do not hurt and smile. I pray that someday, everything will be okay.
I am okay right now. And I will change the title of this post. It was originally "Crippling Anxiety", but when I thought back, not everything that happened today rendered me hopeless. There were things I have done, there were thoughts I pondered upon. There were plans I created to become better.
To anyone who has read this, I pray that you are not hurting or crying. I don't know your circumstances but I will be friend.
Please live and smile,
DANA
D/N:
Hello, friends. You can call me Dana. I hope that you are not hurting today. If you are, I pray for your safety. You've done well to endure this far. Please keep living. Have a cup of coffee with me, I will be your friend.
Let's be friends online!
Google+ [https://plus.google.com/+DanaMestiola]
Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/apz_dana/]
Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/ApaulleDanielle/]
Twitter [https://twitter.com/Apz_Dana]
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
The 2nd Day - What My Emotions Are
January 2, 2018 - Day 2/365
Time check: 23:56 EST
Last night I was surprised that my posts got views from the other side of the globe. Internet sure is awesome, no? I got audience from Germany, Ukraine, France, U.S. and Poland. I was literally shaking and stayed awake at 1 am because anxiety paid me a visit.
Then I woke up around 7 am. Yeah, I don't know why either. I stayed in bed - not moving an inch. I stared into space. It was the second day in 2018 and I was empty for 2 hours until my brother knocked on my door to bring me yet another news - a close family friend died. I have weakness for elderly people, so I cried again. I went to the funeral right away.
We hadn't seen each other since like, FOREVER. They said it's like a reunion, because it's the only time in years family has gathered together. Funny, but it's true. My family decided it would be better to stay until the next day because it's not everyday we see each other since we live in different cities.
Then, a group of ladies came in and started "praying". THEY HAD A SCRIPT. It's not that I'm against it or anything. It's just that I thought, "where's the emotion? I feel nothing." I thought it was just me being a cold tofu, but I think otherwise. One lady was speaking fast, the other one had her arms crossed and the other had this expression on her face like, "when is this going to finish?"
Goodness, if they would've have been like that, wouldn't it be better if they recorded it instead? Then I remembered Dr. Bahjat Batarseh's words: PRAY and FAST like never before.
I first did a fast back in May 2017, and I was crying my heart out. There were emotions - love, anger, hope, faith and a lot more. I don't really want to judge, but if you were in my position, well, this were my thoughts after all.
I stayed silent the entire day. It hurts. When I got home, I prayed. I apologized to God. I realize that in a lot of times, I was like the group of people I was with earlier. Praying without any emotions. Though wordings were different, it's still the same. But, I don't want to be complacent. I want to change. I feel so empty until now, but I really do want to wake up one day with a smile on my face. Greet everybody and have breakfast, then go out to have adventures and have a cup of coffee with different people and tell them how I managed to last long. Then I would pray for them, and they would find even a little hope in living. And the cycle goes on.
Pray for me, will you?
I don't know who you are, but to the people who are reading this: I PRAY THAT YOU ARE NOT HURTING.
I will be your friend, so please smile.
Sincerely,
DANA
D/N:
Hello, internet! My name is Dana. I am a Mental Health advocate, a missionary, and a regular person who aims to be a happy person and eventually bring happiness to others.
Let's be friends!
Google+ [https://plus.google.com/+DanaMestiola]
Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/apz_dana/]
Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/ApaulleDanielle/]
Twitter [https://twitter.com/Apz_Dana]
Time check: 23:56 EST
Last night I was surprised that my posts got views from the other side of the globe. Internet sure is awesome, no? I got audience from Germany, Ukraine, France, U.S. and Poland. I was literally shaking and stayed awake at 1 am because anxiety paid me a visit.
Then I woke up around 7 am. Yeah, I don't know why either. I stayed in bed - not moving an inch. I stared into space. It was the second day in 2018 and I was empty for 2 hours until my brother knocked on my door to bring me yet another news - a close family friend died. I have weakness for elderly people, so I cried again. I went to the funeral right away.
We hadn't seen each other since like, FOREVER. They said it's like a reunion, because it's the only time in years family has gathered together. Funny, but it's true. My family decided it would be better to stay until the next day because it's not everyday we see each other since we live in different cities.
Then, a group of ladies came in and started "praying". THEY HAD A SCRIPT. It's not that I'm against it or anything. It's just that I thought, "where's the emotion? I feel nothing." I thought it was just me being a cold tofu, but I think otherwise. One lady was speaking fast, the other one had her arms crossed and the other had this expression on her face like, "when is this going to finish?"
Goodness, if they would've have been like that, wouldn't it be better if they recorded it instead? Then I remembered Dr. Bahjat Batarseh's words: PRAY and FAST like never before.
I first did a fast back in May 2017, and I was crying my heart out. There were emotions - love, anger, hope, faith and a lot more. I don't really want to judge, but if you were in my position, well, this were my thoughts after all.
I stayed silent the entire day. It hurts. When I got home, I prayed. I apologized to God. I realize that in a lot of times, I was like the group of people I was with earlier. Praying without any emotions. Though wordings were different, it's still the same. But, I don't want to be complacent. I want to change. I feel so empty until now, but I really do want to wake up one day with a smile on my face. Greet everybody and have breakfast, then go out to have adventures and have a cup of coffee with different people and tell them how I managed to last long. Then I would pray for them, and they would find even a little hope in living. And the cycle goes on.
Pray for me, will you?
I don't know who you are, but to the people who are reading this: I PRAY THAT YOU ARE NOT HURTING.
I will be your friend, so please smile.
Sincerely,
DANA
D/N:
Hello, internet! My name is Dana. I am a Mental Health advocate, a missionary, and a regular person who aims to be a happy person and eventually bring happiness to others.
Let's be friends!
Google+ [https://plus.google.com/+DanaMestiola]
Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/apz_dana/]
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Monday, January 1, 2018
January 1, 2018 - Page 1/365
January 1, 2018
Hello! You guys can call me DANA. I am a Mental Health advocate, a missionary, and a regular person who aims to be a happy person and eventually bring happiness to others.
Page 1 of 365
With 2017 behind us, this is a new beginning - well, I believe everyday is a new start. As for me, a lot has happened in 2017.
As I checked Facebook at the end of 2017, people posted things such as: "Let's move on." "Let's leave 2017 to where it belongs - in the past." "Let's forget what happened in 2017 and start anew." Well, I beg to disagree. A lot has happened in 2017 and I have little to no regrets at all. It's hard to explain. This is my first - wait no, second post already. I have no idea what to write, so I think I'll stop thinking and just say whatever I want.
I have regrets. A LOT.
It's hard. I wish I could've done better. I'm such an idiot for wasting so much time on thinking and not actually doing. I think I made this blog website over a year ago and never wrote anything. I have this habit to start things and never finish things. I hate it - I hated myself for it. Reading back, I don't think this post has a flow - and I don't think there'll be any soon. Ugh, I'll just rant here, maybe?
Speaking back on regrets, I've been thinking about what it really means. I call it regrets because I could've done something or become a better person than I was, but thinking back, it was a good thing because it became a lesson and an experience for me. If things hadn't happened back then, this blog website might've been blank forever.
Hmm, speaking on experience - back in February, it was Wednesday, and I remember vividly that it became a perfect day - I was happy, my professor sent me home early, I got home and the weather wasn't bad at all. It was the perfect day for me, I tell you! And then, my mom invited me to the church and because it was a good day, I thought, "why not?" And the worst happened - for the devil, at least. Fast forward and the preacher was asking for an altar call. Guess what? I didn't move forward. Why? For the first time, I had admitted that I was afraid and running away from God's calling. I was scared. I wanted to move forward. REALLY. But, I was scared. My thoughts? This will be the last time God might be calling me, if I don't move forward, He might never call me again. Guess again? The service ended with me being unable to move from my spot. Then the unthinkable happened, someone came to me and told me not to run away. Of course I cried, I'll share this story on another post. Sorry.
Moving forward, I started to fast and I felt an urge to skip this year's semester. What did I do? I prayed for a job - to help my finances, but more because I felt I was lead to do so. I prayed for it. I was accepted at the startup company. It was a good opportunity to raise credentials and positions. The company has fewer than 1,000 employees and I met amazing people. But, eventually I had to leave them after training. We were sent to different teams - by the way, did I mention that it was a call center? No? Okay, it catered to Canada. And in August, I had a customer in Manitoba, and I don't know how our conversation went from business to spiritual. Yes, she was a Christian. She told me she had also talked to a Christian such as myself and promised to send him books. She offered the same thing to me and I said I would contact her. Of course it was against company policies but since I already left, maybe there would be no harm in sharing this? I told her I was a missionary, and that I have a scheduled flight come October (I'll share this on another post again, sorry.) And the story ends by her telling me to get her information and eventually contact her. IT WAS BACK IN AUGUST 2017 AND I HAVEN'T SENT HER ANY LETTERS! What do I do? Will she remember me? Or will her address still be the same? See, this is just one of those regrets that I have. I left on October and went to Thailand and when I came back to my country? I submitted a resignation letter. Yeah, I was an impulsive person last year - I think I still am.
Then? I spent the last 2 months either at home or at church. I was blessed, and I don't want to think about the mistakes that I made because it'll worry me more. I also have this habit of daydreaming of things so that I can escape reality and be a better person. It made me sadder. Idiot? Yeah, a big idiot I am. I'm happy when I can be happy even in an alternate reality. This is my only coping mechanism to anxiety and depression. What's the harm? At least when I'm done I'm back to my origin self.
So, December came and I had one of the best week this year. We had a raffle at church and I wasn't expecting anything but I won - twice! Awesome, yeah? Then, it ended with a news that shocked me. I lost someone dear to me. I cried and cried every night. I wake up to swollen eyes for 3 straight days. There were things I could've done to prevent their death. But all I can do now is to dream of scenarios where I could've helped them. I'm such a big idiot for sharing this. I don't know what's going to happen, either way I'm doing this because I want to.
December 23 came and I would never forget our preacher's words: "God let them die because their mission is over. This is also so that they won't do anymore sins more than what they have already done. They've accomplished their mission. Don't be sad. Don't worry, your time will also come." Everyone laughed at this but I was holding back my tears.
I woke up to reality.
Did God use their death to wake me up to a bigger realization? A big YES as I think of it. I was a silent lass and I don't show my tears to anyone. They'll judge me for sure, yet here I am saying these things. I started to end the year praying to God to never let me forget their death. There are others who are suffering. And instead of me trying to fix myself first before helping other people, maybe I could use some extra time to help others. So, I really got into a resolution. I'll do the things I promised - I've written it down on another notebook. Will I share it? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?
New Year's Eve came. Did I stay awake? No, I went into my room to cry again. I don't know why. One moment I'm happy and then the next, I'm crying. Weird, isn't it? I fell asleep crying and I woke up to the sound of fireworks. I looked at my watch and it was 12:00 am MNL / January 1, 2018.
I started the year with a prayer. I was sobbing but not as much. I told God about my dreams. I told Him about my wishes and how I wanted to do those things for Him, then for other people.
I had regrets. A LOT.
But as I finished my prayer, I felt somehow at peace. Maybe because I wanted to go back to sleep, or maybe because God started to work in me. Now, I want to move forward and become more responsible, so that I can look back on those regrets and change them into happy memories. A lot happened today. I cried while writing the last part of this post. I remembered my friend, but I don't plan on forgetting. I went back on the startups that I got into. I plan to continue them. #MentalHealth and #ChristianMentality are two of those of which I support.
Pray for me, will you?
Thanks a lot. I feel like a stone got out of me. Maybe continuing to rant here about all my thoughts might be helpful after all. Then, maybe at the end of 2018, all of the stones inside me will fall out and nothing will be left.
I pray for all those who have read this. Even though my post was probably nonsense or not worth reading or posting, thanks for your attention anyway.
To everyone, I pray that you are not hurting. And remember that no matter what circumstances you are going through, it is not insignificant. YOU MATTER. It's okay to cry. It's okay not to be okay.
I will be a friend, and I will keep you in my prayers.
I love you with all my heart, I mean this.
Always smile,
Dana
Hello! You guys can call me DANA. I am a Mental Health advocate, a missionary, and a regular person who aims to be a happy person and eventually bring happiness to others.
Let's connect online!
Google+ [https://plus.google.com/+DanaMestiola]
Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/apz_dana/]
Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/ApaulleDanielle/]
Twitter [https://twitter.com/Apz_Dana]
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