The 2nd Day - What My Emotions Are

January 2, 2018 - Day 2/365

Time check: 23:56 EST

Last night I was surprised that my posts got views from the other side of the globe. Internet sure is awesome, no? I got audience from Germany, Ukraine, France, U.S. and  Poland. I was literally shaking and stayed awake at 1 am because anxiety paid me a visit.

Then I woke up around 7 am. Yeah, I don't know why either. I stayed in bed - not moving an inch. I stared into space. It was the second day in 2018 and I was empty for 2 hours until my brother knocked on my door to bring me yet another news - a close family friend died. I have weakness for elderly people, so I cried again. I went to the funeral right away.

We hadn't seen each other since like, FOREVER. They said it's like a reunion, because it's the only time in years family has gathered together. Funny, but it's true. My family decided it would be better to stay until the next day because it's not everyday we see each other since we live in different cities.

Then, a group of ladies came in and started "praying". THEY HAD A SCRIPT. It's not that I'm against it or anything. It's just that I thought, "where's the emotion? I feel nothing." I thought it was just me being a cold tofu, but I think otherwise. One lady was speaking fast, the other one had her arms crossed and the other had this expression on her face like, "when is this going to finish?"

Goodness, if they would've have been like that, wouldn't it be better if they recorded it instead? Then I remembered Dr. Bahjat Batarseh's words: PRAY and FAST like never before.

I first did a fast back in May 2017, and I was crying my heart out. There were emotions - love, anger, hope, faith and a lot more. I don't really want to judge, but if you were in my position, well, this were my thoughts after all.

I stayed silent the entire day. It hurts. When I got home, I prayed. I apologized to God. I realize that in a lot of times, I was like the group of people I was with earlier. Praying without any emotions. Though wordings were different, it's still the same. But, I don't want to be complacent. I want to change. I feel so empty until now, but I really do want to wake up one day with a smile on my face. Greet everybody and have breakfast, then go out to have adventures and have a cup of coffee with different people and tell them how I managed to last long. Then I would pray for them, and they would find even a little hope in living. And the cycle goes on.

Pray for me, will you?

I don't know who you are, but to the people who are reading this: I PRAY THAT YOU ARE NOT HURTING.

I will be your friend, so please smile.

Sincerely,
DANA



D/N:

Hello, internet! My name is Dana. I am a Mental Health advocate, a missionary, and a regular person who aims to be a happy person and eventually bring happiness to others.

Let's be friends!

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