Planning Again

"Memories takes us backwards; Dreams moves us forward."

 I honestly don't remember when I started to dream about things. I was silent as a child, and I had little to no friends at all. When I was in 4th grade, my dream was to be a chef. When I stepped into High School, I pursued writing and made books which I never published because I was anxious of what people might think of it. When deciding what to major in college, I wanted to take up English but ended up taking Marketing instead. It was a harsh industry with a lot of competitors, and I'm not the kind to create things and sell them.

I transferred to different universities - every semester, I believe? Because I didn't like it. I was running away. People were treating me less than I deserve and I couldn't breathe. I only had, like, 3 friends. That was enough, of course. But, we were taking up different courses, so it was hard. I was an irregular student so I had to take up classes with different people to catch up. It didn't bother me, unless it was a group project. Then, I transferred to my current one, where there are less than 500 enrollees. Dream come true? Yes and no. If it was few, I didn't have to worry about classes, but I'll be easily seen then I would need to interact with them. I hate it. I lasted for 3 semesters, the longest one.

Summer came, and I went into the training school in our church. They were teaching us the fundamentals of the bible and what serving really is. We studied about history and all that stuff, and I enjoyed it, a lot. I had found something interesting. I thought it was easy, but it wasn't. There were a lot of stuff I had never thought of until it was taught to us, so I was really fascinated. I wanted to finish this and graduate here, and ultimately bring into action everything that I have learned.

So I planned.

I envisioned how to do things. Little did I know I only kept on planning, never doing. It was hard. I never knew how much trouble our pastors must go through everyday. Everyday has different plans of its own. I was scared of carrying people on my back, I could preach in front, but that was all I wanted to do, after going down, please don't bother me. Of course it doesn't work that way, right?

So, I decided to write down the things I really want to accomplish. I am really determined to finish this and working hard was a prerequisite. Then, I came to another realization. I need money to fund my activities. But, where do I get this? We had planned a mission exposure in Thailand on October 2017 and I don't have anything. I prayed to God to direct me somewhere. A place where I can share the gospel and get money at the same time.

Long story short: I got into one, made friends, became depressed again because it was toxic inside, messed up my body clock, got to Thailand, return and resign. And here I am at home, writing.

I always write down the plans that I had and envisioned them in my mind. And at New Year's Eve, I wrote one again. It was a fresh start for me, and I want to accomplish the goals I have set for myself. I saw a video on YouTube about people writing down their regrets.

People were sad. They weren't able to pursue their passion or do things before their loved ones passed away. But then, the creators gave them an eraser. I had learned that it is never too late. Do the things you love, so you wouldn't have any regrets. I want to do the same. I want to look back on my memories so I can remember what happened. But I also want to look forward. I want to dream more. No, I will dream more. I will plan for my it and DO IT. I know I will experience hardships and disappointments, but I will keep on moving forward. So that someday, when I step into the spotlight, I will tell people how I managed to be happy, and I will smile alongside them as I drink a cup of coffee with them.

To those who are reading this, I pray that you are not hurting nor crying. Everything is going to be okay. If it isn't, then it's not yet the end. There will always be a rainbow after the storm. Do not waiver. Let's have a cup of coffee and talk about life.

Keep Moving Forward,
D A N A


D/N:

Keep on living. Never lose hope. There are people who understand. I will be your friend.

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